Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Everything is different

It's difficult to know how to start this. I guess I'll just have to come straight out and say it. My mother died just under 3 weeks ago - on Wednesday 18th July. In theory it wasn't unexpected. Her doctor had told me (and her) that her time was very limited. But there's such a world of difference between 'knowing' that sort of thing in theory, even talking openly and freely about it both with the doctor and my mother. And being faced with the reality, the absence ...

I'd actually been down with her the week before, having received a phonecall from her summoning me down on the Sunday. And then as all seemed relatively well, and because I had doctor's appointments etc the following week, I flew back home on the following Sunday. I was actually with my doctor when I got the phonecall on Wednesday morning to let me know she had gone.

I went back down the following day, and began (with the help of my wonderful brother-in-law and nephew Peter) the task of organising the funeral (cremation) service, the memorial service, the order of service, etc. etc. etc. All in a complete daze - not really knowing what I was supposed to be doing. Thank god for the support of family and my Mum's many friends in the district. And of Sylvia, the wonderful wonderful neighbour and friend, without whom Mum's life would have been so much more difficult. It was her who helped me go through Mum's clothes, tidy up her room so that other relatives would feel OK about staying there for the memorial service, etc. etc.

My other (equally wonderful!) nephew, Jo and wife Emma arrived back from London for the memorial service, which was a truly lovely event. Over 200 people whose lives she had touched crammed into the local Anglican church, and in the church hall afterwards for 'refreshments'.

And now ... I'm back home in Brisbane (as of last week), and back at work as of this week. Still kind of bewildered - wondering if that really happened: surely she's still at home in Bowral, waiting for me to ring and have a laugh about things with her ... I guess this is 'normal', and it will take months to come into focus / reality for me ...

I am OK - but I don't have any parents any more and it feels really strange / on the edge ... (but, I hasten to add, not of anything I'm going to fall into any time soon!!!)


Tracy said...

My love and tender hugs go out to you my friend. My Mother passed away one week before your sweet Mother.

I as you have no parents anymore either. But we do have our memories of them~~
Love to you during this time of healing <3

Ronni Gordon said...

I'm very sorry for your loss. That is a beautiful photo of your mother. My parents are both gone too. It's been a while, and sometimes I still can't believe it. I have wonderful memories and I'm sure you do too. They come to me in my sleep and sometimes I really feel like they're dropping in. People who have bad memories tell me how lucky I am. Sounds like in that way you're lucky too.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother, Susie. I met her many, many years ago when I visited Moss Vale with you, and remember her as a lovely person. With best wishes from Ria and Michael.

susiegb said...

Thanks everyone for your support and good thoughts. And amazing to hear from you Ria - Moss Vale was a long long time ago!! Email me if you want to get in contact - susiegb22@yahoo.com.au

Life is returning to a sort of normal. I do have wonderful memories of both my Mum and Dad (who died quite a few years ago), and I shall look forward to visitations in my dreams! And once my shoulder is a bit better I'll even be able to get back to yoga!


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