Shoulderstand - I wish!

I saw a post this morning via Elephant Journal - 10 Reasons to do Shoulderstand every day ... And right now I am just thinking - I wish!! I really wish I could do shoulderstand. I wish I could do any yoga!

I had decided that I would do Sunday yoga with my friend Helen as my re-entry into yoga practice after many weeks of not being able to do any because of various back injuries (one following the other etc etc!!) My right shoulder had been feeling heaps better for days (in fact I had hardly felt it for days) and my right hip issue was completely forgotten. Of course I still have the awful awful cough which I knew would be exacerbated by downdog (or any kind of inversion) but I was completely ready to make a start on a limited practice. So ... I managed to get through 3 Sun Salute As (with many many stops for coughing!), and then did a restricted version of the standing poses (leaving out the parivritti variations). But by the time I got to the seated poses I was feeling niggles in my shoulder - and even my hip made an appearance! So I just did a few lying down poses like supta hasta pandangustasana. But my shoulder was complaining more loudly, to the extent that I had to do savasana lying on my left side ...

And now, 2 days later it is still an issue off and on, much like it had been ... sigh!! It's actually hard to think of yoga poses that don't involve your shoulders in some way. When I see my osteopath again tomorrow she will no doubt tell me off - last time I saw her she said I could only do 'restorative' yoga.

All this trying to get back to yoga was/is of course part of trying to get my life back to normal. To some extent it is working, though I have to admit to a certain amount of putting stuff to one side, not confronting things. But there's definitely a few things that I can't put off too much longer, like writing to people in the UK who may not have heard the news about Mum.  Heigh ho ... !

Actually, action is going to be forced on me as in two and a half weeks 3 friends from Europe are arriving to stay for 10 days (and there'll be a 4th Aussie friend staying too!) - our meditation teacher is doing a 5-day event at Amaroo which is going to be soo wonderful! And anyway - I'll really need to have made a start on all these letters etc. before then, otherwise it'll be 2 months late ...

Everything is different

It's difficult to know how to start this. I guess I'll just have to come straight out and say it. My mother died just under 3 weeks ago - on Wednesday 18th July. In theory it wasn't unexpected. Her doctor had told me (and her) that her time was very limited. But there's such a world of difference between 'knowing' that sort of thing in theory, even talking openly and freely about it both with the doctor and my mother. And being faced with the reality, the absence ...

I'd actually been down with her the week before, having received a phonecall from her summoning me down on the Sunday. And then as all seemed relatively well, and because I had doctor's appointments etc the following week, I flew back home on the following Sunday. I was actually with my doctor when I got the phonecall on Wednesday morning to let me know she had gone.

I went back down the following day, and began (with the help of my wonderful brother-in-law and nephew Peter) the task of organising the funeral (cremation) service, the memorial service, the order of service, etc. etc. etc. All in a complete daze - not really knowing what I was supposed to be doing. Thank god for the support of family and my Mum's many friends in the district. And of Sylvia, the wonderful wonderful neighbour and friend, without whom Mum's life would have been so much more difficult. It was her who helped me go through Mum's clothes, tidy up her room so that other relatives would feel OK about staying there for the memorial service, etc. etc.

My other (equally wonderful!) nephew, Jo and wife Emma arrived back from London for the memorial service, which was a truly lovely event. Over 200 people whose lives she had touched crammed into the local Anglican church, and in the church hall afterwards for 'refreshments'.

And now ... I'm back home in Brisbane (as of last week), and back at work as of this week. Still kind of bewildered - wondering if that really happened: surely she's still at home in Bowral, waiting for me to ring and have a laugh about things with her ... I guess this is 'normal', and it will take months to come into focus / reality for me ...

I am OK - but I don't have any parents any more and it feels really strange / on the edge ... (but, I hasten to add, not of anything I'm going to fall into any time soon!!!)