Looking forward and looking back

It's a new year ...  a time for new beginnings, new focus, starting afresh ...

I don't really know if it's because of getting older (oh, surely not?!!) or because of having had a potentially life-threatening illness (non-Hodgkins Lymphoma), going through chemo and the recovery from that, the knowledge that remission isn't a 'cure' per se, and that I may well have to go through some sort of treatment again sometime in the future ... But whatever the reason, I do seem to engage more with the 'new beginnings' feel of each new year. I think about setting goals (new years resolutions) for the year, and look back on the previous year and what happened, how it went.

I had a look back through my January 2009 blogs to see what I'd aimed for. Before I go there, I should 'reprise' some of the things that were affecting me, health and otherwise last year.

Last January I was only a year and a bit out of chemo/recovery. I was also suffering from lots of bronchial infections/coughing fits and had only just started having the monthly IV-IG infusions the previous month. It took till May before the infusions had me turning the corner and feeling well again without the help of antibiotics.

The other big thing that happened to me last year was the whole 'restructure' thing we went through at work - starting from around September 2008 and culiminating in March 2009. It was incredibly stressful for all of us - fighting for our jobs as we were. Ultimately we knew it was a losing battle, but we really didn't want to roll over and let them 'do the dirty' on us without a fight. So we fought them every step of the way, with very few wins. But we stood up for ourselves. In the end I took another job at the University in a different department (the IT dept) on the main St Lucia campus. And I have to say it was a wonderful decision, and the outcome has been really good for me. I've been lifted out of my comfort zone (a very deep rut!) and stretched in many ways.

The only downside has been more travelling and a longer day. And less opportunities for lunchtime yoga.

So, what I was wanting to do with 2009 was see Maharaji (and I did, at Amaroo!) and try and put more into my yoga practice. I think I have been reasonably successful with the yoga aspiration too, considering all the health and travel constrictions 2009 had put on me - although it has been hard to find the time during the week.

And what about 2010? What aspirations and hopes do I have for this brand new year ... Good health of course, I always aspire and hope for that these days!

I do really hope (and intend to do what I can) to see Maharaji again this year too. Once a year isn't much but living in Australia it's usually the best one can hope for.

And in yoga - well, I've kind of been inspired by this YouTube video on jumpbacks and jump-throughs. I have never been able to jump back at all, but looking at that video, I think maybe I might be able to if I keep practising! So, this is what I am aiming for! To be able to jump back (and make a start on the jump-throughs!) And I really want to do this by September when I'm planning to go on a big overseas trip! So, we shall see what transpires.

(following para added a couple of days later as I forgot it when I was writing originally!)
The other thing I really want to do this year is make more of an effort to  socialise, to invite people over for Sunday lunches! I need to be pushed/push myself to do this because I'm a bit shy / lazy !! But I was a bit too reclusive last year - or didn't make much of an effort! I mostly just went out to the movies with a friend, and saw friends at Book Club. I need to do better this year - for my own sake!!

I wish for good health and happiness for everyone, especially family and friends. And a friend on Facebook who I've known since the 70s posted this today and I'm going to copy it here - it really took me back to those sweet and heady days! I wish it for everyone ... :)

May the long time sun shine upon you, all love surround you

And the pure light within you, guide your way on ...

(Incredible String Band - 'A Very Cellular Song')

(I do of course sing it to myself rather than 'read' it!!)

Middle-of-the-night blues

I think it shows what a wiped-out state I've arrived at over the past couple of weeks, that last night I woke up at 3.30am totally depressed and in a state, convinced I had far too many things to do/organise before Christmas, and too little time! And I lay awake for at least half an hour with all this stuff going round and round (and round!) in my head, unable to get back to sleep. All the time a part of me knew that I most likely would not be feeling like this in the morning, but that made no difference to my feverish, worried brain!

Why do I do this to myself? Of course I can organise what I need to do in the next couple of days - I'm well on the way to that already (nearly lunchtime on Tuesday!) I can understand this sort of thing happening when big/bad things are happening in my life, but ... really, Christmas preparations?!!! All I can do is put it down to being tired and run out of energy at the end of the year. Thank goodness where I work give us the time between Christmas and New Year off for 'free'. So when I stop at lunchtime tomorrow, I'm not back at work till the 4th January ... should be able to 'recharge the batteries' in that time!

I've also arranged to spend a few days in late January with a friend who lives near Byron Bay - and very near the beach!  So that should be really lovely! Hmm, I wonder if I can drop in at Dena's shala while I'm down there. Now that'd be wonderful - must investigate!

Time of year busy-ness!

Well, after last weekend I almost need a day off to recover! I think it must be a combination of the lead-up to the 'holiday season', plus I realise I haven't had much time off at all this past year. And it just seems like there's always heaps of things to do, Christmas parties to go to at this time of the year!

On Saturday I found myself getting up early to do shopping, go to the library, etc. Then driving half an hour west to go to our Book Club Christmas meeting/lunch. Which was really nice - we'd had The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - the first book of the wonderful Millennium trilogy, sadly published posthumously, by Stieg Larsson. I've got the 2nd book as an audiobook (thank you audible.co.uk!) and if I don't get the 3rd one for Christmas I'm going straight out to buy it!! Highly recommended - everyone loved it! (And I caught a bit of the ABC's 'First Tuesday Night Bookclub' program last night on TV. Everyone was recommending books for holiday reading and I noticed these books came up on quite a few lists!)

But anyway, then I had to drive over an hour and a quarter in the opposite direction to get to my yoga class. And it was really humid - and I've never sweated so much in a class!! Followed by my (normal) 45 minutes drive back home again. And I'm still trying to track down this wonderful instrumental version of arti that they were playing in class a couple of weeks back! Richard can't quite get the info right for me to find it on iTunes ... (Premie readers will know what I'm talking about!!)

Yesterday - Sunday - I was supposed to go to another Christmas party - and I really would have loved to but ... I was completely knackered and just couldn't! I did however manage to make it to my friend Helen's art exhibition opening at the Ipswich Art Gallery late in the afternoon. Could only stay for about 20 minutes before leaving to go home to collapse again! Lovely watercolours from her recent long South American holiday ...

Ah well - not long now!

The Good and the Bad!

Well, good and bad to report on! I'll start off with the bad! As part of the government's attempt to stimulate the Australian economy they have been offering 'free' roof insulation to all home-owners - up to a certain limit. Well, my house is notoriously badly insulated - hot in the summer and cold in the winter. I'd always been told that the cathedral ceilings that are throughout the whole house are very difficult/impossible to insulate but when I went and enquired again, I was thrilled to hear they had some new type of 'blow-in' insulation that could be used, and was covered by the government's insulation rebate.

So, yesterday was the big day. But ... when they arrived they took one look at my ceilings and said - no, we can't do that! After lots of to-ing and fro-ing yesterday and today, it turns out that there's more than one type of cathedral ceiling, and the type I have (with the beams exposed inside the house) can't be insulated that way - there's only about 38mm space between the ceiling lining and the corrugated iron roofing. Big sigh!!

Ah, but the good news ... !
Today I saw my specialist, having had extensive blood tests on Monday. And counts are looking really good!

White cell count   4.6   (normal range 4.0 - 11.0)
Neutrophils   2.7   (normal range 2.0 - 7.5)
Platelets   155   (normal range 150-450)

Platelets were in normal range for the first time, probably in 2-3 years!! And Dr B said nothing to worry about - everything is normal, and as it should be.

And so really, that totally outweighs any disappointment I might have had about the insulation. There are much more important things in life ...  :)

a post in search of a title!

I missed my normal Saturday yoga class, but luckily a friend and I had already arranged to do yoga at my place on the Sunday.

I put on the David Swenson DVD and we followed that. My friend has done a lot of yoga for years. Although she hasn't specifically done the ashtanga practice, she knew most of the poses in the first series. It was an incredibly hot day (39degC) outside and I put the air-conditioning on. I think we would have been in a sauna if I hadn't - my house is not well insulated at all! Anyway, we both really enjoyed it and are looking forward to out next 'yoga Sunday' - which won't be till mid-January unfortunately, what with the approaching Christmas/holiday busy-ness!

And the approach of Christmas means I have to get myself organised! Mum is coming up to stay for the Christmas week - I normally go south to her place, but as I'll be going down there in early January for my nephew Jo's wedding, she decided to save me one of those trips! We'll mostly be doing the usual family stuff - and I have managed to book lunch for a few of us up at the wonderful Spirit House Thai restaurant in Yandina ... Can't wait!

Handel's Messiah in the Cathedral

Last weekend was the annual performance of The Messiah in St John's Cathedral. I love singing The Messiah - I join another choir just for this performance. St John's is a 'new' gothic cathedral - I've put it in quotes as it's been in the building process for around 100 years! But it is now complete and was full of lovely patchwork-like decorations. A few photos follow ...

"... And all is coming"

Had one of those sweet yoga practices at class on the weekend. I was really looking forward to it as I drove the 40 minutes trip there, and it was no disappointment (as if!) Everything flowed. I seemed to have more strength than I've had for ages, and was even able to hold ubbhaya padangusthasana (sp?!) - really for the first time for over 2 years ... Not to mention getting both feet off the ground in bakasana, again unseen for a similar amount of time!

It does seem like I may finally have gotten over the 'bump' caused by the NHL in 2007 and subsequent lack of practice (and any strength) for 6-9 months. Who'd have thought it'd take so long to get back from that ... ?!  Of course I'm being very cautious in any pronouncements here - don't want to tempt fate !

And I'm older :) , and also my new working situation means I can't practice as much as I used to. (Not that I've ever been a 6-day a week person, except when in India.) But I do what I'm able to, without writing myself off. And right now, it seems like it's paying off, even if it's taken more time that I would like.

I know, I know. As a very wise person said - "do your practice and all is coming" ...

:)